Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize