i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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