Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
