my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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