Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
