who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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