College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
