I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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