so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
