My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
