and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
how drunk are you?
Several
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
