I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
