wanna go halves on a baby?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
