dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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