i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize