I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
