her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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