At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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