Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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