i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
