Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
