Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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