Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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