Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
