I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
