just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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