the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
