got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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