Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize