I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
