Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
