It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
