went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
