she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
