So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
