And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
