Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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