so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
