I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
