I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
