The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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