Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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