i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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