she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
