That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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