I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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