So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
