I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize