you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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