dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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