I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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