I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
one might say we're banned from that church
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
