He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize