drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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