the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
