Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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