i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
