you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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