I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
