Already got asked if we're dating
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
