absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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