I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize