She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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