you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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