SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
