at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
