The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
