We're facebook friends in real life
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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