I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
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tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
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Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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