Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize