I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
