So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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