everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
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My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
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The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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