So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
