where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
