I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
