Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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