Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
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we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
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If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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