Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(604): View more from British Columbia

a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?

(604): View more from British Columbia

unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.

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(217): View more from Illinois

The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.

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(720): View more from Colorado

i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.

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(519): View more from Ontario

No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.

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(614): View more from Ohio

You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.

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(520): View more from Arizona

Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail

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(248): View more from Michigan

You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.

(616): View more from Michigan

I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?

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